I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
