i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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