one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
