I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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