Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
