...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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