I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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