I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
