ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
