His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
