If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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