I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
