oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
