If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize