:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
