Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
