this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
