Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
