I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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