Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
