just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
