Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
