Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
