So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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