Capitaan dildo arrescate!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
