I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
