Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
