mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
