Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
