Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
