You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
