Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
