while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
