When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
