Do you still have your period?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
