i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
