Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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