just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
