He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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