I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
