Sry I called you an 8
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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