I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
