You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
