If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
