Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
