Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I cockslap morals
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Randomize
