i jhust puked up my retainher.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
