And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
