$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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