It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
