Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
