I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
