Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
