: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
