Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
