my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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