just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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