i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
