I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
