He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
