I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
