Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
