You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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