thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
