if you like me you must not know who I am
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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