He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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