Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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