mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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