it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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