he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
